So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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