Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
