Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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