I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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