Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm too high and old for this...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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