can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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