Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
