is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
