I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
