...so i touched it.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
