Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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