I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
