how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
