What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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