i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
