Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
