i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
