Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
