Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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