That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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