i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
