I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
