i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize