actually, I'm a sock model
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
