so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
