Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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