After last night, I could never be a politician.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
