We need to rekindle our bromance
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
