I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
