Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
