it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
