My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
