I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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