The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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