i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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