the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
