I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
