she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The air was thick with penises
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
