I showed him my bush... on skype.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
