remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
