A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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