Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
