i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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