i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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