just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
