I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There's a naked man in my car right now.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
