a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
