Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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