I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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