ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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