she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
3 2 1 whiskey
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize