Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
