I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
