I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
