I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
