Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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