so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
