Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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