We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
