I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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