Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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