Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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