did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think my nap took me to another dimension
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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