i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I will die if light touches me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
