If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize