i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize