you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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