I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
